


i saw you, then i wanted to see you again

by leeknowaki, meananimagus, snekidz_official



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Existential Crisis, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 04:56:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18985726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeknowaki/pseuds/leeknowaki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus, https://archiveofourown.org/users/snekidz_official/pseuds/snekidz_official
Summary: what he doesn't know, is that the happiness he's been looking for his entire existence was right in front of him all along.





	i saw you, then i wanted to see you again

the first time felix saw him, he was behind the counter of his favorite cafe, eyes looking so tired and devoid of emotions, fingers absent-mindedly tapping rhythms on top of the ceramic platform, sighing every now and then. his spectacles almost falling at the bridge of his nose as he zoned out.

felix didn't mean to check him out, it wasn't his fault the boy was too enticing. he couldn't help but stare. his own eyes raked the boy's figure, falling into the boy's hand first, to his arms hidden behind the sleeves of his plain black uniform. his gaze went up to his prominent jaw, cheekbones, forehead, eyelids, his pretty eyes, all of them entrancing, making 'breathing' become a very difficult task to do for the freckled boy.

he stepped forward until he reached the counter, the boy didn't look up, too deep in his thoughts and it's pretty stupid to just stand there in the middle of the cafe, but felix did nothing to get the boy notice him. dumbfounded, he kept his gaze boring into the boy's mirage-like beauty. creepy, he is, indeed, one creepy guy but what can felix do except be grateful to the nature for creating such personified angel, and dearly, appreciate and adore it for as long as he could.

but that moment was gone as soon as someone tapped against his shoulders, whispering,

"dude, you're letting your gay out, tame it down." courtesy of jisung, the twat of his bestfriend, of course.

he let jisung make the order instead and paced towards a lone table for two at the far corner against the glass wall, embarrassed. his face resembling an outgrown tomato, almost mirroring his own red scarf.

that day was momentary. and that day was, unfortunately, the first and last time he would be able to see the boy.

or so he thought.

four months passed. felix lived them, barely, he can say that. he didn't feel like he was alive all throughout and it might be just the depressive phase but there's this creeping tingly feeling within him telling him that there's a particular reason, like he isn't supposed to feel that way, he shouldn't want to die just yet. he need not to give up. unless he completely lost his marbles for real and is making up illusions, to good to be true, just to hold on, just to fool himself that life still got something up it's sleeves for him.

his friends notices it. whenever he spaces out more often than usual, more often than the normal, and it has gotten to the point where everyone starts to tiptoe around him, treating him like a fragile glass, making sure nothing bothers him, making sure nothing harms him, as if he's not already in pain.

it all gets too much but for those past months, felix never really regained enough energy, or even a will, to call them out for doing things for him, and refusing. he doesn't even wanna move an inch, if that's possible. he's not lazy, he's just drained out way too much. fried, will to exist completely nowhere to be found.

and there is this certain void inside his chest that hurts, hurts in the way that any medication couldn't remedy, couldn't lessen. the emptiness hurts and it frustrates him that he doesn't have a shit clue of what causes it.

weekends no longer excites him either. he wants to keep going to school, and have reasons to keep his mind running, have things to take his head out of the painful thoughts, just to keep himself grounded. weekends doesn't help.

so on a saturday night, without washing up, without even wearing warm enough clothes to protect his frail body, not even taking his phone with him, he trudged out of his own dorm room, zombisque. his face neutral, the absence of emotions bothered chan, his roommate, but the older just sighed to himself, letting felix go and get a breather outside and have a time for himself for it seems like the thing he needed the most at that moment, and felix wanted to thank him for that. soon, maybe, one day, if he ever got himself together, he's not really certain when, but he will.

his steps languid, almost dead-like, his breathing silent, hands falling at his either side, twitching, wanting to reach out to something, to something felix can't put a name of and it kills him inside, slowly, tormenting.

he came to an abrupt halt when he reached the intersection, the stoplight blaring green, vehicles speeding past before him. and he couldn't deny that the thought of stepping forward and putting an end to everything, by himself, didn't pass his mind. yet he doesn't know why he didn't. it was an open opportunity and he didn't.

the cars stopped moving, people rushing, passing by him to cross the road, chasing for their exhilarating lifestyles. felix stayed rooted on the ground, his eyes flicking everywhere, they were getting blurry too, the haze stings beneath his eyelashes but he shrugged it off.

as his eyes landed upon one particular car, a blue worn-out car and to the boy seating behind it's steering wheel.

the pretty eyes, well-sculptured features, cheeks rosy and lips tiny yet full. a beautiful face wearing an empty expression, felix couldn't decide who's more numb and emotionless between him and the stranger.

and that's also when he remembered. he remembered the cafe. the small cafe with pink designs all over, crews wearing pink aprons and a purple cap that're too neon to not notice. their coffees either too bland or too sweet yet felix kept coming back to in hopes he would see the boy again, the boy who, effortlessly, waddled his way through the mess of felix's life, unintentionally too.

felix's vision is becoming more and more blurry but the boy is still clear, the boy in the driver's seat, tears falling down his pretty face and felix is aching to run to him, wipe the tears off of his cheeks, pull the boy into his arms and shield him from all the harmful things this shitty world has, protect him from pain, protect him.

he clenched his chest as the red light turned green again and the car sped away.

that's when felix realized, the boy is the reason, the reason why he still hasn't executed his plans. why he still hasn't completely let go of his own life no matter how hard it is to keep his grip tight.

the boy was someone who happened to him, and felix still wants it to not be the last time.

probably they will meet again, and felix will finally, he wants to try, let the boy in. let the boy know his importance and how he is a reason for someone to fight. how the boy kept felix wanting to live.

perhaps, felix will find out more about the boy. know his name and who he really is, what he thinks and everything. felix wants to get to know the boy and belong, be a part of the boy's life, someday. make the boy hold his hand, squeeze back when he grips on it tighter. felix wants to know how beautiful a smile must look on the boy's face, wants to know how to make a smile appear there, wants to be a reason for a smile to curve up in his lips.

felix wants too much. maybe too much than he deserves but he wants them. he couldn't help but want them all.

especially, he couldn't help himself but want the boy.

the boy, lee minho, will remain a mystery for felix and he can just keep wishing he can unfold it one day.

and the day came.

the cafe, the intersection, the most clichè setting one would ever meet their special someone's at, but felix would be proud to say he doesn't care.

he didn't care as he had another opportunity to see the boy, walking out of the cafe, cap pulled on, a mask obscuring people's vision of his face, head hung low. yet despite all the cover up, felix recognized, felix knew it's him. that it's the boy who has been the constant reason for felix to wake up each morning, hopeful.

an hour ago, at the cafe, while the boy took his shift, felix stayed in a corner table, took his time on consuming the hot chocolate he ordered, watching the older while doing so.

the nametag, of course, it saved him the curiosity about the boy's name. felix can say he got to know something about the guy, although it was just his mere name, felix is overjoyed.

minho, a beautiful name for a beautiful man. felix found himself wanting to know more.

with a resolution to approach the boy, at least be decent for once and stop his unnecessary staring, he followed the older, slowly quickening his own pace to reach the other. a small smile coming out weird formed in his face as he tried masking the exhilarating adrenaline rush creeping within him at the thought of talking to the boy, and hearing his voice, maybe.

before the other crossed the road, felix stopped right in front of him, catching his breathe, a palm tapping against his chest. the older raised an eyebrow, not entirely sure what to feel.

felix flashed a bashful smile. the boy's irises held different emotions at once, that the younger couldn't quite figure out.

minho really is beautiful. he's like the final drips of rain before a rainbow appears, he's like the coffee powder, slowly making the warm water dark as it was stirred, like the misplaced freesia amongst the roses, like the skies opening up to make way for the sunrise. minho is magical, and magic is beautiful. felix found minho beautiful.

perhaps, it was love at first sight, he could still faintly remember the smell of lavender wafting in his senses when he first laid his eyes on the boy.

or maybe it was a love that bloomed like a whirlwind, that with every passing thought about the boy, felix's heartbeats would go out of tune.

either one, felix was certain, it was something he doesn't plan on letting go any minute soon.

"you're beautiful." with staggering confidence, he spoke, sincerity laced his lips and echoed along with those two words. his eyes stared right into the boy's own, which flashed shock and disbelief at once. felix didn't look away, attempting to send an unspoken confirmation to the older that he meant it, and if the faint pink that smeared against the boy's ears isn't a good sign, maybe the crinkling of his eyes did.

minho moved his right hand, reached up to his own face and pulled off his mask, felix's breath hitched. it was like a revelation, as if minho doing that meant he's opening up a door for the younger to enter, and maybe it was only felix's wishful thinking but it probably wouldn't hurt so much believing that.

"my name is lee felix."

"lee minho."

soft, melodic, gentleness-laced yet still exudes a shrill against felix's tendons, voice invaded felix's ears and he liked the sound, he surely did, he must have liked it a little too much.

eyes staring straight into each other, smiles adorning their faces, everything else around the pair disappeared. mush surrounded the air, a soft breeze passed by their fast-paced beating hearts. romantic, the overrated poetic figuratives that felix used to cringe upon filled his mind and for once, he embraced them, for no any other metaphor could have been enough to describe the overwhelming feeling, blossoming inside him, making his heart burst.

felix felt his life getting better, slowly, right before his eyes, as the boy, he has grown to admire a little too much, a little too deep, softly spoke words that tickled his consciousness and a giggle came out of his mouth.

"and you're beautiful too."


End file.
